Thanks for the congrats, [aku aku]! And though I think your new layout is stunning, I must ask you to stop changing your layout so often! You're making me feel like I'm a lazy bum for leaving my site unchanged for so long. Damn you artists!!!

Happy Bastille Day!

I am freakin' out. Just got a package from the [Writing Program] today. All this information about orientation for teaching, forms to fill out regarding employment eligibility and taxes, and just the sheer fact that I can no longer pretend I will not be teaching in about a month. I am so not ready for this. And yet I know I am. But I am still frightened out of my mind about teaching a class full of unruly freshmen. A class, no less, that is required, hence odious in the minds of most students. My god, if only I were TAing a course, I would feel less pressure. But I have full responsibility for this writing course. Need to go calm down... feel myself on the verge of hyperventilating (yes, drama queen am I).

Have I mentioned that the other cabaret / pop standards / musical theater male singer I really like stars in Only Heaven Knows (which is why I got the recording)? [David Campbell] is great. He sings feel-good and affirmation songs. And sometimes I need that, you know? I like his second solo album, Taking the Wheel a lot for that reason. Lots of songs about doing what you need to do, taking charge of your life, being thankful for what you have, being able to change what makes you not happy, etc... Gah, I just need to go to the self-help section of the bookstore, eh?

Yay! [Only Heaven Knows] arrived today. (I love [Footlight Records]!) I'm listening to it now. It's about a young man who goes to the big city of Sydney during WWII. And he finds other gay people there. Yay! There's this great song when the man sings about the American soldiers and sailors and all of a sudden he sings about watching them dressing and undressing and wouldn't everyone be awed to watch them? And that's when he realizes he's physically/sexually attracted to them...

Boy band fever. Listening to [Kai's] self-titled debut album reminds me that I never picked up their latest album. They've a very mellow sound, especially compared to the other boy-groups...

Erm. I guess I shouldn't have had a piece of lemon tart on an empty stomach first thing in the morning. It felt like it went straight to my stomach with a thump. Well, I'm making myself a square meal now. Rice congee. Mmm...

I made the lemon tart yesterday after my plans to get up and out bright and early to study at school fell through. (At 2 pm I was still sitting at home as if I had just gotten out of bed.) The lemon tart is ok. I guess I was expecting something a little different. I should've gone the extra mile and made the crust by hand. The store-bought stuff is really unappealing. Have you ever tried to make a flaky butter pastry crust from scratch, though?

Today is my anniversary, by the way. Yay me! Joe and I have been together together for three years now. Doesn't seem that long when condensed to a small number like that. But THREE YEARS! :)

For some reason I feel taller when I'm naked.

I suppose it's time for me to go to sleep. Guess I won't be getting up at 7 am as planned earlier. I love that quiet humming of the air conditioning unit at night. No other sounds readily audible, though the sounds of insects murmuring at the edges of the window.

Today, err... yesterday, was a consumer day. I did nothing but spend money. Toy for self ([Meow-Chi]), batteries for [Tamagotchi] (can't get the second screw out to release the back panel, though...), fish for dinner, two shirts, and a double fudge cookie to stave off hunger mid-afternoon. Added to all that all the non-reading I did, oy. Tomorrow (today) will be a different day. I'm going to hole myself up in my carrel in the library and read, read, read.

I love what hair wax does for styling my recalcitrant hair. But I don't like having to wash it out of my hair before sleep...

Watched a large part of A.I. today. Then the power went out in the movie theater and surrounding areas of Durham. So I was left hanging. I guess I'll go back to see the movie again soon (we all got free replacement tickets). It's been so fuckin' hot and humid the last few days that I think it was a brownout from all the energy the commercial area was using to air-condition the stores, etc. I'm melting!!!

Nice to know: [Same-sex households rise]. And I just love the fact that I live in "the Triangle" in the heart of North Carolina.

Time to go get on TV as an extra: ['Dawson's Creek' chooses Duke]. I was just at the South Square Mall Belk store today, too. It was during the brownout / blackout, though, so half the store was unlit and I was herded out.

Been listening a lot to my two [Sam Harris] albums lately: [Standard Time] (I love his versions of "Let Me Sing" and "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off") and [Revival]. But I visited his web site for the first time today and discovered that there are a number of other albums available. Now I want them all. ([Hint hint.])

And it turns out that boyfriend is gay. I always assumed, but never heard it from any other source. (He's on the cover of the July issue of [Genre Magazine].) And of course, now I am totally in love with him. And I'm heading out to buy the magazine, even though I had previously decided I would not leave the apartment all day.

Boo. Nobody ever e-mails me except mass marketers. And no, I don't want a university diploma, a free loan quotation, nor pictures of nude celebrities. I don't want to buy viagra on-line, enlarge my breast size, get out of debt fast, find out anything about anyone, or play your new Shockwave casino. Grrrr.

I plan on staying in my apartment all day today. It's going to be in the 90s outside with something like a 72 degree dew point. Ugh.

Maybe it's time to start reading books again? Or I could sit around listening to my cds and sing along? Tummy ache.

TV overload... I hadn't been watching much TV lately, but yesterday I sat in front of the set for about five continuous hours... Watched an A&E Biography program on RuPaul. I love RuPaul. I think the program sanitized her story a lot (of course), but especially seemed to refuse to acknowledge the sexual aspects of his persona. In fact, the narrative was that RuPaul was a non-intimidating drag queen because she was non-sexual. And in some respects, that might be true since RuPaul in the mainstream media didn't talk about and play on explicit sex, but there's the undeniable presence of RuPaul as drag queen in fabulous dress showing lots of leg, etc. So, while women's bodies are assumed to be sexual objects by their very presence, RuPaul in drag is automatically desexualized... and why?

This difference in perceiving / mediating bodies was especially apparent in juxtaposition to the Road Rules 10 premiere where Ellen in short-shorts gets pelted by rocks in Morocco. Of course, the cultural mores there are completely different, but the underlying dynamics of sexual domination, exploitation, and objectification of women is the same. I was angered by how Blair, a guy in the group, reacted to the whole situation, too. He kept insisting that Ellen had to "trust" the group and the people who "love" her there (how is she supposed to trust them completely? they barely know each other!). It was clear that he just didn't understand what it means for a woman to feel fear in the face of male aggression (boys where throwing the rocks, men were giving her lewd stares and making comments at her). I forget if it was Blair or one of the other guys, but some guy in the group made the comment that of course as men the first thing they would do upon seeing Ellen is stare at her legs and fantasize about her sexually (well, maybe he left that second part out). And fine, think that she's sexy, that her body is fine. But should that condone the step to violence, violation, humiliation?

I also saw Pamela Anderson on Jay Leno. I don't know why, but I find her fascinating. She always seems so self-possessed and not at all in need of approval or anything (as her cosmetic surgery might suggest).

Found out this morning that AJ of the Backstreet Boys has checked into rehab (alcoholism) and entered counselling for depression, anxiety, etc. How sad. Yes, again, fame and fortune do not a happy person make.

Wah! This [game] related to A.I. is very intriguing...

[2] is the latest gay erotica magazine to send me free issues. I get so many free magazines it's laughable. I guess there are some perks to leaking my mailing address to all sorts of people.

Mmm... The voice on United Airlines' automated flight-arrival-and-departure information system is sexy.

Must... stay... awake... Need to pick up Joe's friend from the airport around midnight. Only a couple more hours...

Can't wait for Shani Mootoo's new book -- [The Predicament of Or]!

Wow. Meclizine, the anti-nausea med, knocked me out. I was asleep for about sixteen hours. So groggy last night when I moved from the study to the bedroom... Anyways, feeling less nauseous now. I think the stomach medicine really helped. Feels like it's wearing off now, so I just popped a couple more tablets of the stuff. Making some congee for breakfast. Mmmm. Don't know if it's the best thing to have with a toxin-infested stomach, but whatever.